It plagues the best of us, when we’re staring down the barrel of a 2,600 word essay which has a deadline of tomorrow (that you vaguely swear just yesterday there is suppose to be an extra week
and maybe even a month if I’m going to be that desperate between now and this deadline which has evaporated with your willpower). The metaphorical crows are sat with their beady smug little eyes outside your window while the elephant in the room screams ‘not even the god of coffee can save you now’ and does a wonderful rendition of dumbo and exits through the nearest window leaving you with the severe case of ‘I’m screwed.’
But never fear, good old friend procrastination has just flown in where dumbo left as a glittery unicorn of rainbows, happiness, fun times and disillusion all wrapped up in a trail of all the candy you could possibly eat. It’s enough to send a kid that’s never touched sugar into hyperactive overload. It also has the ability to make the most delicious cup of tea, but that could just be me.
Now Pip isn’t blessed with intelligence, but what he lacks in intelligence he makes up for it in his endless procrastination possibilities and his adorably simple nature. He’s the epitome of procrastination (next to Warcraft, Rockstars, Tumblr and Facebook
and planning out the next forty years of my cat collection after the love of my life rejects my marriage proposal from the pit of Leeds Academy. But y’all don’t need to know about that last part.)
You get the point, next to glittery rainbow unicorns, my dog is the next best thing. And while my failed attempt of a starting point of my essay is left to gather dust and my Facebook cries for help yield unhelpful but comedic answers that momentarily soothe the frantically frazzled part of me that is a serious student who wants to do well, get her degree and go on to be a hard rock journalist. It’s outweighed by the sadly childish, derpy and clueless side of me that’s focused on Pip as though he’s the most entertaining thing in the world.
That sadly, goes on for at least another ten pictures and a bunch of Pip doing this weird rolling thing where he opens and closes his mouth like a demented fish. And then kinda flops. Am I proud of it? Not really, but if I don’t pander to my procrastination needs, they generally tend to fester in the back of my mind like a pen full of rabbits, innocent enough, but over time they breed and you get this whole rabid, deformed and pent up rage from all these weird, extra limb wielding half-blind spawns from the original procrastination bunnies. So when the pen finally explodes my entire brain short circuits and an entire day is wasted being one with the couch and surfing the internet like nyan cat through the pixelated universe. Or a sugar addicted child licking the window of the candy shop in a desperate attempt to get its next sugary sweet fix.
So what is student procrasination?
Student procrasination is the illusion a glittery unicorn of rainbows is going to appear in your room in the next 0.5 seconds and whisk you to the land of candy waterfalls and lure you into a false sense of you can afford to spend until 2AM on the internet while you essay pitifully cries for attention.
It’s also comes in the handy dandy size of a dog that is life challenged, goes by many names (and one fancy name) and also makes an excellent distraction buddy surfing the pixelated universe.
In the end, this faux world crashes and burns when it does indeed reach 2AM. It’s like cinderella’s pumpkin carriage and you’ve even got dumbo’s disapproval in there. You’ve had fun, let your mind run through fields of dreams and fantasies. Yet, you’re still on your living room couch and you’re only a 100 words in on your essay. Crap.